I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
