ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
