Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
