my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
