I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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