well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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