Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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