Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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