she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
