IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
