All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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