Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
