I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
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