Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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