her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
FUCK WHALES
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