oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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