remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
