so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Im part way to drunk.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
