dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
