im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
