I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
