i don't like sucking hair
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
