my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
