We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
