Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
