Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
