How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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