would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
