Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
