her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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