bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
