i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
