Michael Bay diarrhea
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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