I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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