bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
They took my balls.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
