Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
