maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My vagina just clenched in fear
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
