Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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