Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
