I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
