You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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