I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
