I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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