I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just threw up on my dentist
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
