hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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