I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Can I color on your dick again?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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