I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
