So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
