theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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