Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
