so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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